Donald Trump Sincerely Congratulates Himself

Donald Trump won the presidential election. In his victory speech, Trump gave thanks to his closest supporters, especially the FBI and the Russian intelligence, but most importantly he expressed a sincere appreciation of his own efforts:

“Folks, this is a great day for this country and for me. It was rigged election, folks. Crooked Hillary was trying to rig it by appealing to people’s logic and rational thinking, but it didn’t work, it didn’t work, folks.Hillary called me and congratulated me. She was very nice. I look forward to working with her. We will work out specific terms of her jail sentence later.

I’d like to thank all special people and organizations who made it happen. All the great agencies who decided they want to make America great again. In particular, I’d like to think big league the FBI. But also, I will not forget all the good work done by the Russian intelligence—and we will work beautifully together.

This is a great day, folks, a great day. I knew we would win because I’m a winner. So I’d really like to congratulate big league one special person who made it happen. It is me. This is a really beautiful history that I just made. Nobody worked harder than me to make this happen, though the FBI and the Russians tried to match my own efforts.

Folks, I promised to unite this country, and I hope that this great country now unites to congratulate me and appreciate how special I am.”