New Study Finds That 98% of Republican Senators Have No Spine

Researchers from the National Institutes of Political High-Mindedness have found that 98% of all Republican senators have no spine. The researchers have arrived at their findings by studying the confirmation process of the new Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos.

Some business analysts see in these results an enormous market opportunity for spine-makers. Others argue that it must be for a good reason that spines are lacking among Republican senators.

Several Republican senators said they agreed with the findings of this study and said having a spine would be a real impediment in their line of work.

One senator, who asked not to be named, said this:

“Thank God I have no spine. If I did, I would have probably never become a senator in the first place. Now, with President Trump and all of that, it is more important than ever to have no spine if you really want to serve your country as a senator and have smooth working relationships with the White House.”

Another senator agrees with the findings but says that it might be a bi-partisan phenomenon:

“There is definitely no place for a spine in Congressional politics. But I think it is not only a Republican thing — I’m positive that in reality it is the only thing on which we still have a bi-partisan agreement.”

(Image: Office of the President of the United States via Wikimedia Commons)